http://sleepyti.me/

important for graduate school

The pressure of doing well?

Sometimes doing well is not the best you can do. I'm sure that sounds crazy, but I'm starting to believe it. The better I do, the more pressure I have to continue to do well. The more pressure, the more anxiety, and the less sleep I actually get every night.

I  suppose it does not help that I am extremely competitive, or at least I have always been competitive in the past. I think that it is probably a good idea to stop being competitive when it comes to grades.

The other problem with doing well, is that other people start expecting you to do well. And when you have anxiety over exams, they blow it off because in the past it has worked out for you. I hate that people assume that my anxiety is for nothing. Anxiety may or may not motivate me on occasion, but it is still anxiety. My stomach still ties itself into knots, my palms still sweat. I cannot just stop being anxious.

I guess what I am trying to get at is: doing your best is always a good idea, but do not overburden yourself with the idea of straight As.

-Elise

A fresh start...

Rotations. Having a rotation system in place allows for new beginnings, a fresh start in the middle of the year... or really two fresh starts at two different times during the year. But either way, today is a fresh start. A new rotation.

And it's not that I didn't enjoy my first rotation. I really did. I loved everyone there and I really liked my project. But I am ready for something new.

-Elise

There's no crying in graduate school!

Well, maybe a little crying... okay a lot.

I've never cried so much over something academic in my entire life. Sure, I've been upset over exams, cried over frustrating English papers, wanted to throw History out the window. But I've never cried so much in such a sort period of time out of pure frustration with the sheer amount of knowledge they expect us to cram into our heads. I always thought graduate school would be about learning how to think and analyze, and I'm sure at some point I'll get there (maybe...), but for now it's just a bloated version of my undergrad career. Cram, read, cram, cross your fingers that the exam went better than you thought it did.

And I've now added: drink after particularly difficult days.

But I'm not alone in the realm of crying. We've all been there. So if anyone ever says to you "There's no crying in graduate school" call them out for the lying bastard they are. And maybe punch them in the face.

-Elise

I'm going to quit today.

Today, just now, I decided I'm going to quit graduate school. Next week is an exam for which I am unable to fully prepare, as well as a rotation talk about my project that I failed to complete. If I don't at least pass the exam, I have to re-take the class next year. I do not, under any circumstance, wish to do that. So today I'm going to quit.

I am sure that after the exam is over, the talks are completed, and I'm safely in my next rotation, I will probably decide not to quit anymore. Although, I cannot guarantee it.

I'm starting to think that graduate school is a cruel joke played on people who think they want to do research. Like a sort of hazing, to make sure you're serious. It sucks.

-Elise